Journal Entry From My Final Year In Seminary…
On Emotional Maturity
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Well, I have grown a lot over the last 11.5 years of following Jesus.
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While I have certainly grown through personal Bible study, quiet times, 6.5 years of seminary, local church attendance, serving at a local church, and ministering as a pastor at a local church, I have found that the LORD has greatly used my wife Sarah (10+ years) and our five children (Sabrina-9; Jasmine-7; Autumn-4; Elijah-2; Madison-1) as a consistent means for conforming me to the image of His Son.
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As I have striven to put into practice within our daily family life the Biblical truth I have learned in all of the above environments, God has helped to iron out many of the wrinkles in my character (though there is still so much work for Him to do!).
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The biggest character improvements/resuscitations over that time have been:
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1. Learning to work hard at everything, whether it is sweeping the floor or preparing a sermon;
2. Learning to put the needs of others over myself;
3. Learning to forgive and to ask forgiveness;
4. Learning to find the joy in the mundane, suburban, domestic stretches of life.
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High Points and Challenges
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High Points: Kicking off the 11th season of the Compass ministry, an eight month discipleship program that helps prepare 8th graders to survive and thrive in high school and beyond as they walk with Christ through doubts, social pressures, and biological changes. 75 students and 15 leaders are part of this year’s class (the largest ever) and it is so exciting to grow closer to God with all 90 of these amazing people.
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Challenges: I use both Twitter and Facebook as a means for encouraging others to pursue Christ and also to interact with non-believers in the marketplace of ideas. Well, this week I was pounced upon on Twitter by 8 atheists who treated me very disrespectfully for my faith in Christ. Nevertheless, over our four hour exchange (I averaged one tweet/response per minute for four hours) the LORD blessed me to respect them, to respond logically, intelligently, wisely, and biblically, and to give them the reasons for the hope that I have in both gentleness and respect. I was emotionally worn out afterwards but was invigorated that I was counted worthy to be disrespected for the sake of Christ Jesus!
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What Could You Have Done Better/How Could You Have Handled It Differently?
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I could always have spent more time in prayer and quiet reflection with the LORD, though I do that constantly throughout my day–I am often thinking about/talking with God as I walk, type, drive, do chores, etc. I love it!\
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Nevertheless, I am always worried/concerned/anxious with myself for all the ways that I perceive that I am not following the LORD/loving Him and others as well as I could. So it’s an ongoing struggle that will probably last for my entire earthly life, but I definitely could have been more at peace in my spirit this week.
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High Points/Challenges
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High point of the week was the blessing of finishing up our two year study through the Gospel of Luke with the 5th-8th graders at the weekend services. Of the 80 lessons during our study, I was blessed to teach about 60 of them and am so proud how the students always politely listened during the large group lesson and often actively engaged with other students and their leaders during the small group portion. We will now begin a two year study through the book of Acts and I am extremely excited about that as well.
My main challenge this week was balancing all of my family, ministry, and school responsibilities. I am striving to get 7-8 hours of sleep per night while joyfully spending time with the LORD each day through thoughts, prayers, silence, and Scripture reading. I often feel like I am at the mercy of the “tyranny of the urgent,” simply responding to whatever task/issue has the most quickly approaching deadline. While I have wrestled with this challenge continually over the last 6+ years, I pray that the LORD will eventually help the pace of my life to slow down as I finish this MASF degree next Spring and as our children become less reliant on my wife and I as they grow older.
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What Could You Have Done Better?
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I can honestly say that I gave 100% effort this week in all of my duties. I could have done EVERYTHING better, though! I am thankful that the LORD is continuing to help me to prioritize my family over the pastoral ministry at church.
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Challenge/High Points of the Week
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Challenge: Making time for quiet time/prayer with the LORD. Some weeks there seems to be “so much” to do, so many deadlines to meet, etc. that I allow my one-on-one time with the LORD to be pushed to the side.
High Point: My wife and I are preparing to homeschool our children starting now (4 year old Autumn), adding 7 year old Jasmine in January, and bringing in 9 year old Sabrina next Summer. It is hard work that my wife is shouldering the majority of, but I am thrilled to be part of discipling and educating our children!
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What Could You Have Done Differently?
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I could have been more diligent about giving the LORD the firstfruits of my day, either waking up earlier to be with Him or simply stopping in the prayer room at our local church before I stepped into my office so that I would pray with Him before jumping into the duties of the day.